


The Visitation

by thalialunacy



Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-30
Updated: 2010-11-30
Packaged: 2017-10-26 16:34:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/285479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thalialunacy/pseuds/thalialunacy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The cracky one with the Mistress of Sparkles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Visitation

**Author's Note:**

> **Summary** : It's not breaking & entering if it ends in porn, right?  
>  **Warnings** : CRACK. Mary Sue, in a manner of speaking. Slightlyneurotic!Chris and veryheteroflexible!Karl. And did I mention CRACK? Good. So you're all aware of the CRACK.  
>  **Disclaimer** : Obviously fictional content is FICTIONAL. Especially this time. So please, please don't sue me. And don't be hatin, we just like the fuckin.  
>  **Notes** : Blame elfsausage (although I'm quite sure this [isn't what she had in mind](http://community.livejournal.com/trek_crackbingo/926.html?thread=22430#t22430)), and whoever instigated this; oh and sangueuk, there's a bit in here for you, too.

The doorbell interrupts Chris's reading, and for a moment he's confused as to whether it was real or a hallucination brought on by too much caffeine and Dickens.

Then it rings again. His phone gives him no clues, so he shrugs and mutters and extracts himself from his pile of reading to open the door.

…behind which stands an expectant-looking Karl Urban. "What's up, Pine?"

"Up? Nothing. What's up with you?" He backs up to let Karl in, because it's bad form to just leave him on the stoop, and they sort of stare at each other in the front hall for a minute.

"You… you rang for me to come over here. Sounded pretty upset, mate."

"Me? Nuh-uh, I've been on my couch since I got back from the gym, haven't touched my phone."

"Wait, what? Are you taking the piss?"

Chris shakes his head and gestures at where he's been sitting. "Does it look like I am?"

"Well, I'm not an idiot, and I know your voice, and I-- It was _your_ voice, and you said 'Karl could you please come over I need some help,' and you sounded really put out so I told Vin and Sheldon to bugger off and here I am."

"Well."

"Yes, well."

Anything further they might come up with--although at that point it doesn't seem like it would be much--is overridden by a huge cloud of shimmery smoke and a large, loud woman's voice. "I have called you here, my pretties."

"What the fuck?" Chris stares at the smoke cloud, then glances at Karl, who just shrugs at him, clearly bewildered.

Then the cloud of smoke trails off to reveal the intruder -- who can best be described as an aged, mostly diaphanous Rainbow Brite, with huge blue eyes and colorful… everything.

"You may call me the Mistress of Sparkles," she says with a little bow of her head. As if to illustrate this point, a few bits of glitter fall gently off the tip of her nose, leaving brief rainbow trails that quickly disappear. "And I have come here to assist you with your coupling."

"Oooookay," Chris says, glancing at Karl -- who seems rather pleased with the whole situation, actually. Or maybe he just likes the glitter.

"There's a character like this in this comic book I read once," Karl's whispering at him, his dimples showing, his eyes alight. "She was like Cupid, only--"

"Pornier," she interrupts. She smiles, and there's a lot of teeth.

"Yeah, right." Karl looks at her for a minute, then his face kind of freezes and he suddenly doesn't seem quite so pleased.

"I see Karl here has divined my purpose." She unfolds her arms and makes a scootching motion with her hands, and Chris finds himself mysteriously propelled across the floor until he's like an inch from Karl. It's nowhere he's not been before but it's… suddenly _incredibly awkward_.

Because Chris, as bookwormy and dense as he may be sometimes, thinks he's divined her purpose, as well.

"Hey, man--" He tries to back up, fails-- tries to give Karl a reassuring look but that fails too because Karl just looks wide-eyed and slightly sick.

So he just turns towards her instead. "Hey, lady, mistress, whatever you are, we don't need your assistance, okay? It's not like that. We're--" He gestures, very helpfully, between himself and Karl. "--not like that. Hell," he says with a charming smile, "neither of us even like guys."

The apparition shimmers once, almost angrily, then sighs and puts her hands on her hips.

"Idiots. Christopher, I know you fucked a boy in college--" Chris's mouth opens "-- _and_ Zach that one time you got really wasted on Peach Schnapps." His mouth snaps shut. He and Zach had made a pact never, _ever_ to breathe a word of that disastrous one-night stand to anyone, and Chris is pretty sure neither of them have broken that promise. "Which, by the way, was _not_ all he had in his cupboards. That's Great Gay Myth number five, and you're a chump."

Karl sniggers, and she rounds on him. "And you, Karl-Heinz, I know you've snogged any great number of gents, and as recently as last month."

Chris can't help it, he stares. At Karl. "Who?"

Karl stares back, startled. Then Chris hears feminine laughter.

He backpedals, rounding on the stupid sparkling woman. "I mean-- I don't believe it. Karl's got a wife, kids, he's--"

But she waves a ray of rainbow at him. It tickles, which shuts him up. "He's a great shagging hippie, Christopher, and the wife's mostly a beard, so the sooner you get comfortable with those facts and the fact that you want in his pants--trousers, excuse me--the sooner we can all get hap--"

Karl cuts in, his face red and the dimples long, long gone. "Oh all right that's quite enough, miss… Miss Sparkle." Always unfailingly polite, Karl. "Chris obviously doesn't want to hear any of this, is obviously not interested like you so assumed, so can we just consider the humiliation over and move on with our--"

But Chris is indignant, suddenly. On principle. "Hey whoa hold on, hold on. I'm the one who's not interested? You're making out with every 'gent' in LA, apparently, except me!"

"Yeah, and what's it to you?"

"I--" Chris realizes how close together she's shoved them. He crosses his arms defensively, but that puts them within a centimeter of Karl so he uncrosses them and feels his chin shove out defensively. On principle. "I'm not sure, okay! Up until this second it didn't matter at all, but up until this second I didn't know anything beyond the pretty blonde wife so this is brand new information I need to digest!" He's breathing like he's run a marathon, and his brain feels like it's still running it.

And Karl's just _looking_ at him, like he doesn’t quite recognize him, but likes him all the same, but is afraid of--of something.

"How long will you need for said digestion?" a quiet--but still sparkly--voice asks.

Chris has nearly forgotten she was there. "How what, now?"

She throws her hands up and glittery trails fling out and cover them. "Karl, would you please…?"

Chris turns, still more than a little fucked up in the head, and Karl's still staring at him.

Then Karl shrugs. "Seeing as I'm pretty sure this is all an hallucination, what the hell?"

And Chris doesn't even have time to confirm or deny before Karl's mouth is on his.

His lips are soft, and pillowy, just like Chris'd always--No, never--Oh, fine, fuck principle-- _always_ imagined, and he's chaste and kind, as expected, and--

"Jesus Christ," Chris grumbles as the kiss ends, "enough with the sparkles, it's like fireworks in here--"

But when he looks around, the mysterious woman is gone. And there is not a sparkle to be found.

Karl is smirking at him, instead, and Chris is surprised to find his hands in Karl's back jean pockets and one of Karl's big hands cupped around Chris's neck. "Fireworks, eh?"

"No," Chris says reflexively. Principle giving one last hurrah.

Karl raises an eyebrow at him, and the expression is so familiar, so comforting, Chris bursts out laughing.

Karl starts laughing with him, and when they sober up their faces are so very, very close. Chris tries to breathe. He can't take his eyes off Karl's _lips_. "Tell me I wasn't hallucinating _that_ , at least," he says quietly.

Karl's face softens. "No, mate. You weren't."

"Oh thank fuck," Chris mutters, as he leans in for another kiss. Karl meets him halfway and when Chris's tongue ventures out to part those fucking perfect lips, Karl's is there, curling around his and stroking it until Chris feels blood rushing around his body in a very specific manner.

He breaks away, short of breath. "So…" He lands one lingering kiss on Karl's bottom lip so he doesn't have to look him in the eye. "Is this… okay?"

The look Karl gives him is so incredulous, so full of want and affection, that Chris's stomach flips up and socks him in the chest. "How thick _are_ you?"

"Well, I--"

Karl frames Chris's face with his hands, holding him there. "I've wanted to do this for ages, Pine."

Chris blinks. "Ages?"

Karl nods. "That okay enough for you?"

Chris looks at him, and fuck, he _is_ gorgeous, and he's clearly discreet, and Chris already loves him as a buddy and a coworker, and he can't deny this shiny layer of lust that's surrounding them now, so--

"It'll do," he says with a grin.

Karl grins back at him, and oh there's the dimples again and Chris noses one of them, which makes Karl laugh. Then they're kissing again, and hot damn Karl is skilled in this arena, shaping kiss after kiss, his hands still on Chris's face and Chris's hands scrabbling for purchase anywhere on Karl but there's so much to touch, so much to taste.

Chris pulls back, tugs Karl a foot in the direction of the bedroom but gets distracted by re-finding the joy in the rough skin of a man's jawline, the smell of a man's skin. And sure as fuck he has catapulted back into being nineteen because Jesus Fucking Christ he's already halfway hard.

He can't help it, he pushes the pertinent bits into Karl's hip whilst sucking on the spot right below his ear, and Karl makes a strangled sound. Chris takes the advantage and pushes Karl in the direction of the bedroom, but Karl slows, Karl runs a hand through his hair. Karl seems unsure.

"What?" Chris asks, not giving up in guiding Karl into bed, but slowing enough to kiss Karl reassuringly, run soothing hands over scalp and shoulders. Karl takes a while to answer, but Chris lets him, instead urging him onto the bed and kneeling between his legs, peppering kisses all over the skin he can reach, pushing aside fabric while Karl's hands rove aimlessly up and down his back.

"I've never--" Karl trails off to take off his shirt, and Chris looks up at his face-- which emerges fire-engine red. "I've never done much, before. With men. Obviously."

Chris pauses his gentle undoing and pushing down of Karl's pants, looking up at him between kisses along new territory. "But-- she said-- and the _Rings_ cast, I mean, come on, did you think people were blind?"

"No, but--Oh for fuck's sake." He's squirming, Karl, but in a good way, and his fingers are coming dangerously close to fisting in Chris's hair. "We never went past a certain point. We had a bond beyond all that."

"Oh my God you are such a dork," Chris says with affection, reaching down to lick a strip up Karl's hipbone while he pulls down his boxers. "Okay, then what _did_ you do with them?"

"Oh, you know…" Karl lets out a gruntgasp as Chris unapologetically palms his cock with one hand and balls with the other. "Snogged. Shared beds. Cuddled."

"Was disgustingly cute, you mean." He's not even doing anything yet, really, just getting a feel for the place. It's been a while for him, too, after all.

"Well, yeah. I mean, you've seen the--" Karl inhales as Chris finally starts in on a nice slow rhythm.

"I've seen the pictures," Chris finishes helpfully, the hand not on Karl's cock still exploring, running along inner thighs and teasing a perineum.

At that, Karl definitely squirms, his hips twitching off the bed. "So, yeah…"

"Yeah, well… prepare to now just be… slightly disgusting." He grins up at Karl's flushed face. "But in a good way."

He moves up for a kiss, and their tongues tangle until his toes curl. "Good God," he chuckles as they break apart. "I could do that all day."

"What's stopping you?" Karl's finger traces his bottom lip.

Chris sucks lightly. Karl groans. Chris releases the finger with a pop, cocks a grin and reaches into the nightstand. "Impatience."

Karl eyes the bottle of lube warily. Chris reaches up and kisses his eyelid. "Trust me?" he asks quietly, looking Karl in the eye.

Karl doesn't hesitate. "'Course."

"Good." He leans in for one more, thorough kiss, then, in a stunning display of coordination and multitasking that even impresses himself, Chris begins to carefully map Karl's chest with his mouth while slicking up his hands. He tongues at a nipple just as he fists Karl's cock again, and that is definitely a pleased tug on his hair. He smiles, then sucks, and is rewarded with a groan.

He reaches the other nipple as his other hand trails down past Karl's balls to lightly trace his asshole, and Karl twitches, the hand not in Chris's hair clutching onto his shoulder rather tightly. "Fuck, Chris…"

"Trust me," Chris murmurs into his skin. And Karl's thighs slowly part.

Chris exhales. He raises his head with one last small lick, gets some more lube on his hand, and just watches as he slides a finger into Karl. Karl's cock pushes into Chris's other hand and his lips part, his eyes not leaving Chris's face. Chris quickly adds another finger, sensing Karl is as relaxed as he's going to get, and Karl bites back a curse, a curse that seems full of pleasure but--

"Good?" Chris asks softly.

Karl nods, his hand sliding down to cup Chris's neck. "Not so disgusting yet," he says with a crooked grin.

Chris dares-- adds another finger-- and Karl throws his head back, and this moan is long and throaty.

"Disgustingly fucking _hot_ ," Chris breathes. "Jesus God I want to be inside of you. Can I?" He grins. "May I?"

"Yeah, go on." Karl smiles back at him, his eyes twinkling. "You may proceed, Christopher."

"Brilliant."

And it is. He tries to take it slow, he really does, because Karl's new at it--and oh God the scarily possessive bells that go off in his head when he thinks about _that_ , fuck-- but once even just the head of him's inside, it's so hot and so tight and the noise that comes out of his throat seems that of an animal.

He drops his head to Karl's chest. "Fuck, Karl, I--"

"I've got you," Karl says softly, and lifts his hips just so-- and gravity and physics mean Chris slides all the way home.

He gasps, strangled for air. He seeks out Karl's lips, kisses him messily. "Yes," he nearly hisses, so caught up in the feeling in his cock in his heart, in his gut. "Yes, you do."

He struggles to keep his brain functioning in tandem with his body, but his hips are pistoning his cock far too quickly to completion. His lips fall to Karl's clavicle and he can feel Karl's legs curling around him. He protests. "No, no, I want to--" He slows his fucking, reaching for Karl's cock, but Karl's hand is already there. Chris is obscenely grateful.

Chris feels Karl's whole body tightening around him, preventing him from doing anything but lose himself in the sweet, sweet heat, and he groans, curses, sputters protestations he can't support with actions as his orgasm tightens in his balls. "Fuck, I'm-- you're-- Please--"

His balls tighten and the first wave of his orgasm hits him. He feels Karl's lips on his, tongue plunging into his slack, slick mouth. Feels, rather than hears, his breath hitch. Feels the ripple in the muscles, the warm spreading between them. Feels his heart teeter, quiver, then explode, in time with the rest of his body, all of him helpless against the onslaught.

"Oh holy hell," he manages a few minutes later, half collapsed on top of Karl in a pile of sweat and funk. "That was fucking awesome."

He hears Karl's weary chuckle from somewhere near his forehead. "Yeah, it was." His fingers are combing through Chris's damp hair, and Chris leans into it for as long as he dares.

Then he tries to rouse himself, lifting up on one arm and trailing his lips over the nearest bits of Karl. "We should get cleaned up before I pass out on--"

He stops, dumbfounded.

"What?" Karl asks, looking at him with concern. "You all right?"

"Karl."

"Yes."

"Karl, there is glitter all over this bed."

Karl props himself up on his elbows and looks around. "Well yes, there seems to be."

He grins at Chris. The dimples. Chris can't help but grin back, and lean in to kiss him.

And from the shadows of the room, there echoes a tinkle of feminine laughter.

 _  
**FIN**   
_


End file.
